Chapter 84: Here Kitty, Kitty

The scene that greeted Ren was not a peaceful recovery room.

The Royal Nest—usually a pristine, opulent space filled with piles of furs looked like a tornado had touched down inside a tannery. Clumps of fur floated in the air like snow. A large clay water jug lay shattered in the corner, its contents soaking into a priceless fur rug. The hanging tapestries had been shredded into ribbons that hung mournfully from the walls.

And in the center of the chaos, prowling on top of the ruined mountain of furs, was Kael.

“Oh… wow.”

Kael was awake. But he wasn’t Kael.

He was crouching on the soft pelts, his muscles coiled tight, every tendon in his body standing out in sharp relief. His breathing was heavy and ragged, huffing out of his chest like a steam engine. His eyes, usually a warm, intelligent amber, were glowing a deep, primal red.

He wasn’t looking at her with recognition. He wasn’t looking at her with love. He was looking at her like she was a steak. A very delicious, red-wrapped steak.

He was also completely, utterly, stark naked.

And he was glorious.

Ding!

[System Notification: Wild Beast Detected] [Subject: Kael (The Tiger King)] [Current State: Feral Mode (Active)] [Intelligence: 10/100 (Brain is currently offline)] [Lust: 100/100 (The Kickstand is Down)] [Observation: That is a very large cat. And an even larger… ego. Ren, look away. Or don’t.]

Ren’s eyes involuntarily traveled south. She couldn’t help it. Kael was indeed “happy” to see her. Extremely happy. It was like looking at a weapon of mass destruction that had its safety latch removed. The sheer biology of the Beast World was confronting her face-to-face, and it was intimidating.

“Kael?” Ren asked softly, stepping cautiously into the room.

The tiger’s head snapped toward her. He flared his nostrils, inhaling deeply, tasting her scent on the air. A low, vibrating growl started in his chest.

He leaped off the furs.

He didn’t walk like a man; he moved like a predator. He stalked toward her with fluid, terrifying grace, his heavy footsteps silent on the stone. He stopped inches from her, towering over her, his body heat radiating like a blast furnace.

He leaned down and sniffed her neck.

SNIFF. SNIFF.

Then he pulled back and roared—a deafening sound of pure outrage that made Ren flinch.

“MINE!” he snarled. His voice was guttural and broken, the words tearing out of his throat like he had forgotten how to speak. “SNAKE. SMELL. BAD.”

He grabbed her shoulders, his grip bruisingly tight. He wasn’t trying to hurt her, but his control was gone. He was desperate. He rubbed his cheek against hers, then rubbed his chest against her face, frantically trying to scent-mark her, to overwrite the smell of the Snake King.

“Whoa! Down boy!” Ren yelped, trying to push him back.

It was like trying to push a mountain.

“Kael, stop! You’re heavy!”

“NO!” Kael barked. He buried his face in her hair, messing it up completely, inhaling deeply. “MY MATE. CLEAN. LICK.”

He opened his mouth, his tongue descending toward her face.

“No licking!” Ren shrieked, ducking under his arm and scrambling sideways. “Absolutely no licking! You have dead snake breath and… oh god, what is that smell?”

She wrinkled her nose. Now that he was close, the scent hit her. It wasn’t just his usual musk. It was dried blood, swamp muck, and days of sweat. He was filthy.

“You are disgusting!” Ren announced, holding her nose and pointing an accusing finger at him. “You look like you rolled in a compost heap! I don’t even have soap to fix this!”

Kael blinked, confused by her rejection. He looked at his dirty hands, turning them over slowly. Then he looked back at her. He didn’t seem to care about hygiene. He reached for her again, his eyes locked on her lips, his hips giving a suggestive, involuntary twitch.

[System Commentary: He doesn’t want a bath, Host. He wants to play ’Hide the Sausage’. And judging by the size of the sausage, you might need a bigger hiding spot.]

“Shut up!” Ren yelled at the air.

She put both hands on Kael’s chest, stiff-arming him with all her strength.

“Listen to me, you giant, horny furball,” Ren commanded, channeling her ’Head Chef’ voice—the one that made sous-chefs cry, and line cooks tremble. “You are not touching me until you are clean. Do you understand? No mating. No marking. No licking. Not until you scrub the swamp out of your cracks!”

Kael tilted his head. The words “No mating” seemed to penetrate his thick skull. He let out a whine—a high-pitched, pathetic sound that had no business coming out of a seven-foot-tall killing machine. It was the sound of a kitten denied a treat.

“Water,” Ren said slowly, enunciating every syllable. She pointed to the archway that led to the bath. “You. Me. Water. Now.”

Kael looked at the archway. He looked at Ren. He looked down at his crotch. He looked back at Ren.

He grinned.

“Water… play?” he rasped.

“Yes,” Ren lied through her teeth. “Play. Sure. Whatever gets you in the pool.”

She grabbed his wrist and tried to pull him.

He didn’t budge. He just stood there, planted like a tree, watching her struggle with amusement dancing in his red eyes.

“Move!” Ren grunted, digging her heels into the woven rush mats. She leaned back, putting her entire body weight into the pull. “Why… are… you… so… DENSE?!”

Kael chuckled, a low rumble in his chest. He suddenly stepped forward.

Since Ren was pulling with all her might, the sudden lack of resistance sent her flying backward.

“Ah!”

She tripped over a pile of shredded furs and fell flat on her back, the breath knocked out of her.

Before she could blink, Kael was on top of her. He caged her in with his arms and legs, straddling her hips. The sheer weight of him pinned her to the floor, trapping her.

“Caught,” Kael growled, looking incredibly pleased with himself.

Ren stared up at him. He was looming over her, sweat dripping from his chest, his “excitement” pressed dangerously close to her stomach through the layers of her puffer coat.

“Get off!” Ren squeaked, her face burning hotter than the sun. “This is sexual harassment!”

“You smell like snake,” Kael rumbled, his expression darkening again. He lowered his head, nuzzling her neck aggressively. “Fix it.”

“We can fix it in the water!” Ren bargained, tapping his shoulder frantically. “I’ll… I’ll groom you! I’ll scratch behind your ears! I’ll use the rough sponge! I’ll do the thing you like!”

Kael froze. His ears perked up instantly.

“Ears?” he asked, his voice rough and hopeful.

“Yes! Ears! And back scratches!” Ren promised, desperate to get the crushing weight off her bladder. “But you have to get off me and walk into the other room!”

Kael considered this offer.

He slowly climbed off her. He stood up and offered her a hand. His claws were slightly extended, but he was careful not to scratch her.

Ren took his hand and hauled herself up. She dusted off her coat.

“Okay,” she exhaled, pointing to the bath. “March.”

Kael didn’t march. He prowled. He walked behind her, his heavy hand resting on the top of her head like he was steering a shopping cart.

They reached the door to the bathhouse. It was a massive slab of black obsidian, carved directly from the cavern wall. Steam billowed out from the gap, smelling of sulfur and minerals.

Ren turned to face him. “Okay. Get in.”

Kael stopped at the threshold. He looked at Ren.

“You first,” he grunted.

“Oh no,” Ren shook her head vigorously. “I know this trick. If I get in, you’re going to cannonball on top of me and drown us both. You get in.”

Kael narrowed his eyes. He crossed his arms. He didn’t move.

Ren sighed. This was going nowhere. She reached into her pocket, searching for inspiration. She didn’t have food. But her fingers brushed against something small and plastic.

She pulled it out. It was the laser pointer keychain she had found in the pocket of her discarded cargo pants some time ago.

She clicked it on. A tiny red dot appeared on the rough stone floor.

Kael’s pupils dilated instantly. His head snapped down, tracking the movement.

“Bug,” he whispered.

Ren moved the dot further into the bathroom, dancing it across the obsidian floor.

Kael took a step. Then another. His tail twitched as he prepared to pounce.

“That’s it,” Ren whispered, leading him like a moth to a flame. “Go get the bug, you big idiot.”

Kael lunged into the bathroom, chasing the red dot across the stone.

“Phase One complete,” Ren panted, leaning against the cold obsidian. She looked at the giant, naked tiger currently swatting at the floor tiles. “Now… how do I wash a 300-pound wild beast without soap and without a hose?”

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