Chapter Four – Crinkle Fries

Teddy knew, deep, deep down, that she wasn’t supposed to leave the hideout without the Boss’ permission. It was against the rules, and the rules were real important.

But… well, she was a villain, wasn’t she?

Normally she was okay with following the law and the rules as long as neither of them were even slightly inconvenient, but right now, Teddy was both bored and hungry. Worse, she was bored of the things that could stop her from being hungry.

There was food in the fridge, but the Boss’ last grocery run was almost an eternity ago–like, three days–and all the good snacks were in her tummy already. She stared at the open fridge for the sixth time in under an hour.

There was a bowl of mac and cheese, but they didn’t have any more ketchup to spice it with. There was a pre-cooked chicken… but the good bits had been nibbled off. She reached in and tipped a bowl back to look at the thing within. There was a piece of tape on the lid that said ‘Maple Experiment – Do Not Eat.’ When she opened it, she found a perfect copy of Maple’s face made out of something that might have been jello. It smiled at her, and she replaced the cover.

Right, there was really nothing worth eating.

She was a bear! Bears needed to eat lots so that they could sleep lots. It was the natural order of things, how things ought to be!

Plus, she really wanted a burger, maybe some fries, and a hot dog… two hot dogs.

Teddy licked her lips, then turned back around. She let the fridge close behind her as she started to make her way through the hideout. The Boss was off in class, doing school stuff and being a proper villain while keeping up her secret identity. That was important. But so were burgers, and Teddy wanted one real bad.

“I’ll be back!” she called to her sisters as she reached the exit. The two parts of Trinity on the couch perked up, but Teddy was out the door before they could make a fuss.

Teddy hit the streets with a bounce in her step and a single-minded determination that only a truly hungry bear could muster. The city stretched out before her, full of possibilities, full of places to eat, full of tasty snacks and greasy, delicious fast food. She sniffed the air, trying to follow her nose, but all she got was the scent of car exhaust, hot pavement, and something that smelled suspiciously like wet Trinity.

Still, she knew exactly where she wanted to go. There were a few places that were paying them protection money across the city, usually so that they’d show up once a month or so and ‘be nice’ to people, sign some stuff, and smile for pictures. It was a good way to earn a bit of change and the places loved having them because they were a sure-fire way to scare off any villains.

But there was a place just down the street that had never joined their protection scheme. It was a little franchise restaurant with a weird name that she never quite understood. Urger Ing? Why wasn’t it just Urgering? What was that, anyway? Was it a kind of eating? The logo out by the front was of a big crown, which really didn’t make sense either.

Teddy didn’t care about any of that. What mattered was that their burgers were good, and they had crinkle fries, which were objectively the best kind of fries. Also, she was hungry, so any kind of fries was her favourite kind at the moment.

Pushing the door open, Teddy inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with the scent of sizzling grease and overworked deep fryers. Her stomach rumbled in approval. The inside was dimly lit, with cracked vinyl booths and a floor that had long since lost the battle against years of walking across them.

A set of TV screens above the counter hung there from a rusty arm jammed into the wall, with wires dangling under it. One of the screens was flickering faintly, but the rest were proud to advertise a bunch of special meals.

There were Quantum Mothman burgers for sale today that came with a Sooth-Sayer Thirst Slayer, and the Stormhowl meal deal was only… actually, there wasn’t anything only about its price, that was expensive.

Teddy reached into her pocket and started to fish around. She had a few bills she’d found here and there, usually in other people’s wallets.

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“I don’t get paid enough for this.”

Teddy’s ears perked up, and she turned toward the counter. There, a frazzled-looking teenager in a grease-stained uniform was trying to handle a customer that Teddy immediately decided she did not like.

The guy was red-faced, sweating despite the AC, and jabbing a finger at the poor cashier. “I said no pickles! Do you see pickles on this burger? Huh? Do you?” He gestured down at a deconstructed burger. Some of the ketchup from the burger had found its way onto the lapels of his little businessman suit.

The cashier, whose name tag said Ronnie, looked like he would rather be anywhere else. “Sir, I can just–“

“I don’t want a replacement! I want an apology! And then a replacement!”

Teddy’s eyes narrowed. She knew that tone. The self-righteousness, the certainty that he was the good one here… he was even wearing a suit. Every other sentence out of the man’s mouth was about money, and he wasn’t happy with his meal even though the problem was a big nothing-burger.

This man was a capitalist!

Probably.

Teddy sniffed the air a little behind him, but he only smelled like cheap man-perfume and sweat. The restaurant smells overpowered the rest a little too much. Her nose wasn’t strong enough to sniff out the oppression of the proletariat, but she could sense some of that anyway.

“Look, I can give you a discount, if you want, but only based on what I have. You ate most of the burger, so I can’t just–” Ronnie tried.

It was no use, the capitalist was angered already. He probably hadn’t satisfied his lust for rent payments and squishing unions in a while and was taking it out on this guy. “Oh, now you want to tell me there’s nothing you can do? Do you have a manager… Ronnie?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m the manager here today,” Ronnie said.

“Pfft, you? Pathetic. You couldn’t manage your way out of a paper bag. You can’t even manage a burger right. Can’t you do something about this, manager Ronnie?”

Teddy’s hackles rose. No one deserved to be treated that poorly unless they were someone she didn’t like. Teddy was pretty sure that turning into a bear and eating the man would be trouble, though. She wanted a burger, not fresh capitalist.

Before she could muster up the righteous anger of the masses and do

something about this guy, another employee–a girl with a lot of tattoos and dark makeup who was reloading the drink’s machine, muttered something. “Man, we are not paid enough for this.”

Teddy paused.

“Hey, Ronnie,” she said as she leaned to the side to catch the cashier’s eyes. “How much are you paid for this?”

“Who are you?” the capitalist asked.

“Shut up, I don’t consort with pigs,” Teddy snapped at him. There was a guffaw from somewhere inside the soda machine.

“Uh,” Ronnie said. “Eleven fifty an hour?”

“Dollars?” Teddy asked in shock.

“Yeah?”

“Kid, I was busy here,” the man said. Teddy levelled a glare at him, and something must have scared him off because he shut up.

“I will eat you. And then the rest of your burger to wash the taste out of my mouth,” she warned. Turning her attention back to Ronnie, she continued as if the capitalist wasn’t even there. “Hey, Ronnie, you ever heard of a union before?”

Ronnie shrugged. He didn’t seem super excited about the idea–yet–but it was probably more fun than dealing with the suit. “Yeah, sure. I don’t think we’re allowed those.”

“I don’t think they can stop you,” Teddy said. “How many people own this place?”

“I dunno, like, we have one boss.”

“Yeah, bet you could take him on. Bet I could. Hey, Ronnie, I’m gonna help you out, okay, and in exchange, you give me a share of your extra meat.”

“Where are your parents?” the suit asked.

“Just give me five minutes and I’ll be right back, Ronnie, then you and me? We’re gonna talk about the strength of the common man.” Teddy reached out and grabbed the suit by the belt at the back of his pants, then with bear-like strength–which was all of her normal strength–she turned and started pulling him along after her.

“H-hey, what the hell are you doing?” he asked.

“Putting out the trash,” Teddy said. “The time for your sort is over, old man!”

***

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