Chapter 110 – Prince John, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Florida Man
Chapter 110 – Prince John, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Florida Man
- Home
- The Deity Entertainment Network
- Chapter 110 – Prince John, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Florida Man
“Attack!” The Alphabets shouted as they rounded the bend, the forest on their left side opening to a wide grassy meadow that led to the other entrance of the camp. Nearly a dozen orcs were charging up the shallow slope, their shields raised to block the rain of arrows coming from the two guard towers standing on either side of the opening.
Between the towers stood the paladin Lord Uther, standing beside two footmen and holding the centre of the human defensive line. The snap of gunfire could be heard further up the slope, leading John to think a couple of the scouts were back behind the hastily built barricades around the towers, taking pot shots at the approaching orcs.
Where are the rest of his men? He left the camp with over a dozen yesterday.
John didn’t dwell on that, picking up his speed to maintain the pace Eh had set for the footmen. The messenger, who turned out to be actually a knight, was mounted on a warhorse and was swinging away from the footmen. From John’s perspective, it looked like he intended to attack the orcs’ right flank when the footmen hit them on the left and centre.
The orcs were focused on the humans in front of them and surrounded the three melee fighters. If it hadn’t been for Uther and his healing, they would have been overrun before John’s forces managed to get across the field. As it was, the man was laying into the orcs, his hammer coming down on their shields with enough force to buckle the metal holding them together.
Still, Uther was taking blows from the beasts, unable to heal himself with his Holy Light spell. He took a glancing blow to his forehead from an orc axe that was deflected by one of the footmen’s shields, causing a torrent of blood to spill over his eyes, blinding the paladin.
“Darkness! Darkness!” John called out, blinding two of the orcs before the Alphabets crashed into the rear of the attacking orcs. With the orcs’ numerical advantage eliminated, the footmen supported by the two paladins’ healing magic turned the tide of the battle, which now favoured the humans. Not to say the orcs were routed, as they continued to put up a fierce fight.
John stepped in to finish an orc off that had just landed a devastating blow on Dee, the man’s shield arm snapping under the pressure of the powerful impact, causing him to scream out in pain. Fueled by his anger, John’s sword lopped off the orc’s arm, then he drove its point through the orc’s chest to pierce its heart.
The fight concluded shortly afterwards, and John stepped back to deal with the wounded man, chanting his healing magic to patch him up. When he finished, he stood up and came face-to-face with Uther, the older man pressing a bandage to the wound on his head.
“You mind, lad? I got a little careless, and one of them gave me a scratch.” He said, taking the cloth off his wound. With the pressure gone, the blood began to ooze out immediately.
“Of course. Heal!” He chanted, the bloody head wound closing rapidly, the basic healing spell working almost as well as middle heal normally did.
“That is an interesting spell you used there, lad. Where did you learn it?” Uther asked him, curious where his old apprentice picked up such a spell. The elves had some incredible healing magic, but to the best of his knowledge, John hadn’t encountered them often, except during the battles against the forest trolls outside the elven city of Quel’Thalas, and that was a couple of years back.
“Well, I learned a thing or two from a few books I’ve read,” John said, adlibbing an excuse. He didn’t even think of how to explain to Uther about where he learned his new spells. “Our Holy Light is so inefficient in its mana use, not to mention you cannot use it on yourself. I wanted other options.”
“I see. Now, the next question. Where is your armour? Did you forget your shoulder plates are what identify you as a paladin of the Knights of the Silverhand?”
Shit! “I left it and the hammer with the baroness in the village. This armour is stronger, easier to move in, and has a helmet! Seriously, why are we not wearing helmets? That head wound you took could have been prevented by one of these.” John said, knocking on the helmet he was holding.
“Because wearing metal around our heads reduces our connectivity to god and our holy powers. Lad, I know you already know this. I am positive you asked that very same question a decade ago.” He sighed. “No matter, what’s done is done. You can retrieve it after we are done here, as you can see the orcs have clearly been testing us.”
Why would having metal around your head weaken your magic? I haven’t noticed that. Not that it matters, I am not going back to that other armour.
“I see that. Probably good that we showed up when we did. Where did all your men go anyway?” John asked, happy to be off the topic of his armour and magic.
“I had sent two knights in to parlay with the orc leader earlier, only their horses returned. I lost a couple when the orcs sprung a surprise attack earlier, and I wasn’t at the front line. The rest are out on a patrol I sent out this morning, before I realised the orcs were not interested in discussion. That leaves these two fine chaps, the archers in the towers, and those two scouts you told to report to me yesterday.
“Well then? What is our next move?”
“We offered them peace, and they slapped it away, Lad. It is time to put an end to them, and I would like you to lead the assault.” Uther said, slapping John on the shoulder hard enough that he felt it even through all the armour and padding underneath.
God, this man is a bear, isn’t he? Glad he is on our side.
Mid-Afternoon
“Are you sure it is this way?” John asked.
“That is what Bimi said. That they had a camp to the East, but were more interested in hunting down drakes or something, than killing a few orcs.” Ed said, relaying once again what the dwarven scouts had told them.
The Alphabets left the camp shortly after Uther had tasked John with taking out the orc base. The paladin had already set it up earlier in the day and, of all things, had a bunch of peasants from local villages chopping wood and working in a mine. John assumed they were just getting resources for a palisade or some other fortification. There were a half dozen depots they called ‘Farms’ where they stored supplies, and a barracks for the troops to sleep in if they were staying there longer. Supposedly, there was a convoy of reinforcements coming later, but that was when John found out there might be people to recruit much closer.
“Sir, I think that is it!” Bee said, pointing at a building in a nearby valley, built up against the base of a cliff. It was a fairly large building with a large, round chimney in the back, billowing out black smoke.
“Let’s go take a look then.” He replied.
They made their way into the valley and stopped in front of what appeared to be a forge or blacksmith’s shop. Six dwarves were standing around in front of it, four wearing capes with rifles like Bimi had, and two others, one with a telescope in his hand, the other with a large cannon slung under his arm.
“Well met, good human! Have you come to join in our hunt!” The dwarf with the telescope said when John approached.”
“We heard there were some crackshot riflemen down here, and I was hoping to recruit a few of you. You see-” John said, but was interrupted.
“Naw, human, we heard you were looking at taking out those Blackrock orcs. We are here for black drakes, one in particular, Searinox.” The one holding the cannon said. “It is said that Drake’s blood can bestow fiery enchantments upon weapons.”
John had a feeling of de ja vu. Talking with this dwarf reminded him of talking with those villagers in that hamlet yesterday.
Note Four – Ask Alec why some of these conversations in this world seemed scripted.
That said, enchanting his weapon could be useful…!!!!
“Did you say a Drake?” John said, remembering back to his time in The Great Cleric. That great red beast that flew over his head when he arrived. The same one who tore Bazaan’s arm to shreds.
“Aye, laddie. With your aid, the monster won’t stand a chance!” The dwarf said, and the rest of the riflemen began to cheer as well. It became contagious, and even The Alphabets started to cheer.
“You okay, Milord?” Eh asked him.
John wasn’t. He was shaking and white as a sheet underneath his armour. That thing was gigantic, there is no way in hell…
He looked at his men, who were looking at him expectantly.
He sighed.
“Oh, for the love of… does someone have a spare rifle I can use? Let’s go kill a drake.” He said, resigning himself to this stupidity. “Though when we kill it, I expect some help taking down the orcs. They ransacked a village yesterday and killed a lot of people.
One of the hooded dwarves rushed into the shop, crashed around in there for a moment, then came out with a rifle. “You ever use one of these, Lad?”
John took it from him, and despite it being a fantasy weapon, it seemed pretty straightforward. He looked around for a target, then aimed at a hog that was sniffing the ground in the forest three hundred yards away. “Not this model, but I have shot once or twice before.” He pulled the trigger, and a blast exploded from the rifle. The hog fell over, the bullet catching it in the chest. The dwarves whistled at him appreciatively. “Now, a couple of you go pick that up and bring it back here, we are eating pig tonight!”
The crowd cheered.
John leaned over to the dwarf who handed him the rifle. “Now, how do I reload it?” He whispered.
The Alphabets, along with their new contingent of four riflemen, made their way into a nearby cave where they expected the drakes to be. John was carrying his new rifle, which the kindly dwarf had shown him how to operate properly. It really wasn’t much different from a black powder rifle, except they had a neat mechanism that would auto-load it with a cocking handle. There was a spot to pour powder in, and on the other side, the shot. It almost seemed like magic, but they insisted it was just quality dwarven craftsmanship.
The cave was quite large, with a few holes in the ceiling letting some light in. The most notable thing John could say about it was that it reeked of death. Piles of corpses were strewn about everywhere, some still with flesh on their bones, others had already been picked clean. He made sure to give the piles a wide berth, not wanting to drag around that rancid smell with him for the rest of the day.
They quickly found their first target, a black drake no larger than an elephant. It was circling above a pile of carrion, oblivious to their presence. They snuck up on it until they were in range, then the five of them opened fire on it, riddling its neck and wings with bullets. It turned and began to fly towards them, but was put down when a round hit it in the eye during their second volley.
“That… was easier than expected,” John said, looking at the corpse. It was smaller than the one he had seen in the other world, but still, he expected more of a fight.
“Oi, lad. It was just a baby. Searinox is a much larger beastie.
Great
They continued deeper into the canyon, taking out a small group of the baby drakes. These got close enough for them to counterattack, breathing green clouds of noxious gases on the group. They paused while John healed and detoxified everyone who took in the fumes, John not wanting to know what kind of damage that breath weapon would do to a person’s insides if left to linger.
Finally, they reached the end of the cave, the lead dwarf raising his hand to stop everyone’s advance. “Okay, the beastie is in there. Now remember, it is ancient and is bound to have a trick or two. Now, laddie, you and your men advance while we move into position. If you can keep its attention for just a few seconds, we can start putting lead into it.”
“Since when was it the plan for us to be the bait?” John asked, but started walking. He was already neck deep in this crap; he might as well finish it. His men followed close behind, sure in their prince’s ability to keep them alive after his healing during yesterday’s battle. John just wished he had their confidence.
Bloody hell, I should have just waited for the reinforcements to arrive.
He cast a barrier on himself, hoping the basic defensive spell would help resist the poison breath weapons these drakes seemed to use.
If it was on the ground, I could use my sword, that would make more- Well, no, I would rather not be up close and personal with a drake.
Regretting his life choices for the day, he moved into the cavern, the rifle at the ready. It didn’t take him long to spot the drake, and as he feared, it was even bigger than the red one he had seen in The Great Cleric. Shining black scales, massive wings and a fat body larger than a semi-truck and trailer, the amount of malice it gave off was frightening. He was already in range, aiming for the beast’s head when it turned to him and spoke in fluent English. “You dare challenge me? You mortals become more reckless with every generation!”
Jesus, it can speak!?!
Shoving his fear aside, John fired at it, the round penetrating the beast’s scales near one of its eyeballs. It threw its head back, roaring in pain, then flapped its wings and charged at John.
“Darkness!” He cast the spell while running to the side, but as he suspected, the spell glanced off the beast. A cloud of noxious green breath shot at him, a much larger, denser, and more potent cloud than that of the smaller drakes. Unable to avoid it, he took the brunt of the blast over his front.
Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt as badly as he thought it would. He cocked the weapon again, intent on taking another shot.
“Attack!” Eh shouted, and the footmen all charged past him. He didn’t know what they were doing, but it didn’t matter right then. He took another shot.
Unlike John, Eh had seen the dragon raise a handful of skeleton archers, which were all bearing down on the Prince. He led his men forward to cut them off, while John and the riflemen dealt with the stinky dragon up there.
While John and the footmen were engaged, the riflemen moved into advantageous positions. The experienced hunters didn’t take more than a few moments before they began raining fire down on the dragon, aiming for the joints in its wings and other softer targets. The high-calibre shots buried themselves deeply into the ancient beast, its scales no match for the modern weaponry.
John himself continued to be bathed in the noxious breath. He could feel it seeping through the cracks in his armour, his skin on fire wherever the corrosive gas touched. “Middle Heal!” He chanted, healing his wounds and clearing up his vision. The drake was losing altitude now; the dwarves had hit it enough to impede its ability to fly. John dropped the rifle and drew his sword, his anger fueling the storm of power that was The Sword of Truth. Anger at this dragon for trying to melt his skin, anger at being bait, and anger at himself for even agreeing to this plan.
“ARGH!!!!” He shouted and charged past the footmen, directly towards the drake. It landed roughly, its legs buckling beneath it, but it pushed up with its forearms, trying to get its massive weight back underneath its legs.
“You mortals are ever a thorn in my si-” It started to curse at them, the beast about to blow another cloud of gas, but John was upon it then. He directed all his power into the swing, and like he was cutting butter, his sword cleaved through the drake’s neck, ending its tirade of curses before it even began.
Sadly, John hadn’t thought to compensate for the lack of resistance and tumbled forward, his momentum carrying him into the dragon’s esophagus and disappearing into the opening.
“You’re an eager one there, laddie.” One of the dwarves called after him, “That is the most interesting way I have seen someone try to go for a dragon’s heart!”
Cheers reverberated throughout the cave, the Alphabet squad ecstatic that their prince landed the killing blow and became a dragon slayer. The dwarves were happy to have been part of this dragon hunt. Yes, dragon, not drake.
The story of the epic hunt for the Ancient Black Dragon, Searinox, would go down in history. The dwarves’ children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren would all tell the tale of how a band of dwarves and humans fought together and brought the beast low, with Prince John himself making the killing blow.
John just groaned in pain.
Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep
Chapters
- Chapter 216 – ♥♥♥ Turning The Tables On A Crazy Rabbit
- Chapter 215 – Insanity Is The Spice Of Life
- Chapter 214 – Elders And Kids Say The Darndest Things
- Chapter 213 – Breakfast And A Show
- Chapter 212 – The Power Of Hunger
- Chapter 211 – The Hunger Grows And The Doctor Strikes
- Chapter 210 – Deviants And Dragons
- Chapter 209 – Dancing His Way Into Women’s Hearts
- Chapter 208 – Growing Respect
- Chapter 207 – Sibling Rivalry
- Chapter 206 – It’s The Results That Count
- Chapter 205 – ♥♥♥ Tenderized Glazed Rabbit
- Chapter 204 – An Unexpected Dinner And A Show
- Chapter 203 – Forethought, Foresight, And Family
- Chapter 202 – The Hero Behind A Mask
- Chapter 201 – Twilight Tears
- Chapter 200 – A Connoisseur Of The Arts
- Chapter 199 – Rising Infernos
- Chapter 198 – Life As A Side Character
- Chapter 197 – Feelings And Egg-cellence
- Chapter 196 – Spicy Dinner Conversations With A Side Of Self-Reflection
- Chapter 195 – Personal Space Is Overrated
- Chapter 194 – Ruminations Of A Rabbit
- Chapter 193 – Carrots And Confessions
- Chapter 192 – Eye Spy With My Little Eye Something That Begins With T
- Chapter 191 – Offers From A Rambling Grandma
- Chapter 190 – Keep An Eye Open When Probing For Mines
- Chapter 189 – She Is A Little eXtra
- Chapter 188 – Not All Walls Can Be “Dig” Through
- Chapter 187 – The Paladin Without A Plan
- Chapter 186 – The Other Side Of The Mountain
- Chapter 185 – Crazy Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
- Chapter 184 – The Difficulties Of Staying On Topic
- Chapter 183 – Sometimers Strikes Again
- Chapter 182 – The Good And The Bad
- Chapter 181 – A Carrot A Day
- Chapter 180 – One Of A Kind
- Chapter 179 – The Night That Luna Fell
- Chapter 178 – A Time For Tea
- Chapter 177 – Sagely Advice
- Chapter 176 – The Rules Of The Game
- Chapter 175 – Escape From U.S.J.
- Chapter 174 – Twilight’s Herald
- Chapter 173 – A Mountain Of Trouble
- Chapter 172 – ♥♥ Clams, Catfolk, And Catnip
- Chapter 171 – For Science!
- Chapter 170 – The Problems With Pelicans
- Chapter 169 – Gunship Diplomacy
- Chapter 168 – Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth
- Chapter 167 – The Steel Within
- Chapter 166 – ♥♥ Unexpected Consequences
- Chapter 165 – Ignorance Was Bliss
- Chapter 164 – But Wait! There’s More!
- Chapter 163 – Be All That You Don’t Want To Be!
- Chapter 162 – It is Elemental, My Dear John
- Chapter 161 – Dancing With Wolves
- Chapter 160 – Giving Those Naughty Puppies A Whipping
- Chapter 159 – When The Cheap Sunglasses Finally Broke
- Chapter 158 – Honour Is A Heavy Burden To Bear
- Chapter 157 – ♥♥ A Broken Angel In His Arms
- Chapter 156 – Planning, Trauma, And The Mysteries Of A Red Cup
- Chapter 155 – With Eyes Wide Open
- Chapter 154 – ♥ Growing Problems With Communication
- Chapter 153 – One Oath Is As Good As Another, Right?
- Chapter 152 – Predatory Pirate Vs A Wrathful Wizard
- Chapter 151 – The Wizard Of Blackstone
- Chapter 150 – A John A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
- Chapter 149 – Out Of The Frying Pan
- Chapter 148 – A Dangling Thread Of Intrigue
- Chapter 147 – An Anger Fueled By Nuclear Fires
- Chapter 146 – Rock’em, Sock’em, 3049
- Chapter 145 – With Bated Breath
- Chapter 144 – Kinder Surprise Toys Just Ain’t What They Used To Be
- Chapter 143 – ♥♥♥ The Maiden Who Came To The Villain Of DEN
- Chapter 142 – Kids Say The Darndest Things
- Chapter 141 – What Goes Bump In The Middle Of The Afternoon
- Chapter 140 – The Angry Little Landmine That Could
- Chapter 139 – Slow Dance With A Cannon Opener
- Chapter 138 – A HEAP Of Trouble
- Chapter 137 – Snakes Have No Protection From Privacy Breeches
- Chapter 136 – Bargains Over A Cup Of Coffee
- Chapter 135 – Memories Of The Past, Pains Of The Future
- Chapter 134 – More Than One Way To Win A Woman’s Heart
- Chapter 133 – Rougher Side Of The Periphery Life
- Chapter 132 – Troubles And Opportunities
- Chapter 131 – The Unsinkable Suzy Q
- Chapter 130 – Cookin’ With Lasers
- Chapter 129 – The Disposables
- Chapter 128 – Questions? Just Ask Alec! Results May Vary
- Chapter 127 – You Lose Some, You Win Some, Have A Drink And You Will Feel Better
- Chapter 126 – By The Will Of The Light, By The Hand Of John
- Chapter 125 – ♥♥♥ Cloaking His Dagger
- Chapter 124 – A Cup Of Tea
- Chapter 123 – Problems Of People, Politics, And Pelicans
- Chapter 122 – ♥♥ Paradise By The Cockpit Lights
- Chapter 121 – The Duality Of John
- Chapter 120 – ♥ Bittersweet Victories
- Chapter 119 – An Ocean Of Nightmares, An Armful Of Dreams
- Chapter 118 – The Fortunate Son
- Chapter 117 – Eh-ighties Action Star
- Chapter 116 – Wet Towels And Cheap Whiskey
- Chapter 115 – Always Be Discrete In Your Indiscretions
- Chapter 114 – Implied Threats
- Chapter 113 – The Dangers Of Using An Unlicensed Barber
- Chapter 112 – Laughter, Isn’t Always The Best Medicine
- Chapter 111 – To Be A Leader
- Chapter 110 – Prince John, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Florida Man
- Chapter 109 – ♥ The Sweet Nothings Of A Strawberry
- Chapter 108 – Blame It On The Wine
- Chapter 107 – The Rage Within
- Chapter 106 – A Harsh Reminder
- Chapter 105 – Walk Softly And Carry A Big Hammer
- Chapter 104 – A, B, C, D, Why Is Alec Messing With Me?
- Chapter 103 – One Hand Giveth, The Other Taketh Away
- Chapter 102 – ♥♥ A Taste Of The Divine
- Chapter 101 – Dancing Amongst The Stars
- Chapter 100 – The Angler VS The Archerfish
- Chapter 99 – Driven Into Darkness
- Chapter 98 – Twin Calamities
- Chapter 97 – John Wayne, The Best Supporting Actor
- Chapter 96 – Delaying The Inevitable
- Chapter 95 – The Black Knight
- Chapter 94 – Tears Of Despair
- Chapter 93 – Nowhere To Go But Up
- Chapter 92 – Lurking Problems
- Chapter 91 – Unraveling World
- Chapter 90 – ♥♥♥ Three’s Company
- Chapter 89 – Arrivals And Departures
- Chapter 88 – Acting On Trust
- Chapter 87 – Meeting Of The Minds
- Chapter 86 – The Burden Of Truth
- Chapter 85 – The Price Of A Friend
- Chapter 84 – An Inconvenient Truth
- Chapter 83 – ♥♥ Naughty Elves Don’t Get To Make Demands
- Chapter 82 – Testing Boundaries
- Chapter 81 – A Test Of Bonds
- Chapter 80 – What About Breakfast At Niki’s
- Chapter 79 – A Master’s Responsibility?
- Chapter 78 – Bread And Circuses
- Chapter 77 – Infinite Frontiers – The Phantom Pain
- Chapter 76 – F-R-I-E-N-D-S
- Chapter 75 – ♥♥ Ruining A Princess
- Chapter 74 – Sibling Sideshow
- Chapter 73 – Burgers, Beings, Bombers, And Broken Noses
- Chapter 72 – Are Elves Bullies Too?
- Chapter 71 – The Six Billion GSC Man
- Chapter 70 – The Black Leather White Knight
- Chapter 69 – Debts
- Chapter 68 – Temptations
- Chapter 67 – A Brief History Of Infinite Frontiers
- Chapter 66 – Lost And Found
- Chapter 65 – Elves Are Cuter When They Are Bullied
- Chapter 64 – No Replacement For Displacement
- Chapter 63 – You Know What They Say About Assumptions?
- Chapter 62 – When In Doubt, Blame The Intern
- Chapter 61 – A 12-Gauge Send Off
- Chapter 60 – ♥♥♥ Playful Punishments With Fantasy Physics
- Chapter 59 – She Is A Good Girl, One Way Or Another
- Chapter 58 – Mother Knows Best
- Chapter 57 – She Is A Real Passenger Princess
- Chapter 56 – Yes, Embrace Your Anger
- Chapter 55 – Daddy Issues? Better Call John
- Chapter 54 – A Wild Pink-Haired Menace Has Appeared
- Chapter 53 – The Wonderful Wizard Of HOTD
- Chapter 52 – A Midnight Dance
- Chapter 51 – ♥♥♥ The Queen Of Awkward Timing
- Chapter 50 – ♥ The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
- Chapter 49 – Call Of The Canon
- Chapter 48 – Saved By The GRRRRAAAHHH!!!
- Chapter 47 – How The Turn Tables
- Chapter 46 – The Reality Of Dreams
- Chapter 45 – She Knows My Name
- Chapter 44 – Talk To Me Goose
- Chapter 43 – The Man Who Chose The Bear(folk)
- Chapter 42 – Mostly Harmless
- Chapter 41 – A Relaxing Ride
- Chapter 40 – Duck, Duck, Goose, Owl?
- Chapter 39 – Stirring The Pot
- Chapter 38 – Ones True Nature
- Chapter 37 – What Smells Worse Than Wet Dog?
- Chapter 36 – ♥♥♥ Bunnies Are Still The Best
- Chapter 35 – Five Gals Chatting, Four Contracts Binding, Three Faces Blushing, Two Damsels Dodging, And An Annoyed Paladin In A Pear Tree
- Chapter 34 – Nicknames And Pillow Friends
- Chapter 33 – Medieval Casting Couch
- Chapter 32 – Well, That’s No Ordinary Rabbit!
- Chapter 31 – Revelations
- Chapter 30 – The Start Of A Legend
- Chapter 29 – ♥ Love, War, And Terrible Back Pains
- Chapter 28 – Pains Of The Past, Present, And Future
- Chapter 27 – Promises And Pitfalls
- Chapter 26 – Cruel And Unusual Co-workers
- Chapter 25 – ♥♥ One-Sided Family Planning
- Chapter 24 – The Principle VS The Fallen
- Chapter 23 – The Devil’s Due
- Chapter 22 – The Principal Strikes Back!
- Chapter 21 – Power Of Destruction And Power Naps
- Chapter 20 – Student Council VS Principle Wayne
- Chapter 19 – That Pent Up Aggression Needs An Outlet
- Chapter 18 – Space Aged Tractor Simulator 2000 W/Cat Herding DLC
- Chapter 17 – Not The Cologne I Was Looking For
- Chapter 16 – It’s A Trap!
- Chapter 15 – The Clothes Make The Man
- Chapter 14 – You Can Never Avoid The Bureaucracy
- Chapter 13 – Set For Ludicrous Speed
- Chapter 12 – Consequences Of Drinking The Nectar Of The Gods
- Chapter 11 – Cuddles and Conundrums
- Chapter 10 – ♥♥♥ Bunnies Are Just The Best
- Chapter 9 – The Dangers Of Health Drinks
- Chapter 8 – Deals, Contracts, And Unwise Spending Habits
- Chapter 7 – Day Drinking, The Proper Way To Train Magic
- Chapter 6 – Why Are There Freaking Dinosaurs!
- Chapter 5 – This Show Needs An Epilepsy Warning
- Chapter 4 – No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
- Chapter 3 – Karma vs Canon
- Chapter 2 – Noise Violation Consequences
- Chapter 1 – High School of the Nope
- Prologue – Truck-Kun’s Collateral Damage