Two Red Dropships blazed into the atmosphere of Blackstone at incredible speeds, rotating on their axes only at the last moment to start their deceleration burn. Their engines flared, jets of superheated plasma obscuring their sensors as they made their final descent towards their depot.
They hadn’t received any signals from the depot since their arrival, and detected dropship movements near that location. So, fearing the worst, their embarked Mechwarriors were mounted up already. All twelve mechs, the entire Command Company of the Third Battalion of Ryan’s Rebel’s, were locked and loaded, ready to deal with whatever happened to the depot.
Strapped into her recently gifted 60-ton Quickdraw, Susie Morgraine-Ryan was going through her company’s status screens. She was piloting the only heavy mech in the formation, her father’s personal mech. The rest were a motley mix of light and medium mech, all with various amounts of damaged armour from their last two operations. She wasn’t overly worried about that; even if they were fresh, she outnumbered and out weighed the Blackstone guards by a significant margin. Unless they had reinforcements from out of system, she would be able to crush whatever they had brought against her people here.
Quickdraw
Spoiler
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“ETA 30 seconds Commander.” A voice came over her comms, the dropship commander giving her a heads-up about their impending landing.
“Roger. Throw the doors open immediately, we are charging out in force.” She ordered.
“Yes, Ma’am!”
They were coming in hot, planning to shoot first and ask questions later.
“If this is a false alarm, I might just kill those idiots myself.” She said to herself, then relayed her orders to the company.
Darla was waiting in a copse of trees by the main entrance in the pirate camp, watching the two Union dropships offload a dozen mechs.
“Command 1, this is Bravo 2. Counts twelve mechs. Two Locusts, two Fleas, two Spiders, one Firestarter, one Jenner for lights. Two Cicadas, one Shadow Hawk for mediums. One Quickdraw for heavies. Various amounts of damaged armour across the board.”
“Roger. Give them hell.” The old man replied, his breathing laboured already.
Darla was worried about him, but didn’t have much time to think about it then. She had a job to do. She targeted one of the fleas and let loose a volley of LRMs from her concealed position. The little mechs didn’t have much in the way of armour, but they had two medium pulse lasers, which could get annoying, not to mention a flamer and a couple of small lasers. Best to deal with them from afar.
Fifteen missiles flew out of the treeline, quickly crossing the nearly kilometre distance between her and the advancing company, slamming directly into the unsuspecting Flea. The salvo tore through the remaining armour on its left side, blowing one of the annoying mechs’ lasers right off its chassis. She targeted the Jenner next, the speedy mech already having identified where she was hiding and was loping towards her.
As soon as her tubes loaded, she let fly her next volley, then hit her jump jets to start making her way back into the cave. Her mech left the copse just as nearly two dozen LRMs and a couple of large lasers burnt into her hiding place, setting it ablaze.
“Yeah. Better not stick around, else those boys will get my number.” She said aloud, landing her mech in the middle of their surprise. She took aim at a different mech and let loose another volley. She didn’t have much ammo left after yesterday, so her job was to use up what she had and get out of there.
A loud explosion, accompanied by her mech’s warning alarm, rocked her mech. Shrapnel blew through her cockpit, lacerating the right side of her body. The Shadow Hawk, on the extreme range of its 80 mm autocannon, landed a hit and blew the right torso right off her mech.
“Hah! Now it’s a party!” She said, smiling despite her injuries. She was starting to lose vision in her eye, but that didn’t matter much. If John could do it with one eye, so could she. She let loose with another volley and hit her still functioning jump jets, sending her further back into the cave.
James waited patiently as Darla made her way back into the secondary entrance to the cave. Her mech had taken a severe amount of damage already, but she was quickly making her way over to his position. Her husband, Jerome, was screening her now, his damaged Spider laying into the advancing light mechs with its two medium lasers. James was also throwing a few volleys out of his Centurion’s LRM launcher towards them, expending the rest of the ammunition for that weapon. They had brought one of the Flea’s down, and were now worrying the more deadly Jenner.
The rest of his lance were lying in wait over by the cave entrance to the Star League cache, powered down for now, awaiting the signal to attack. A signal that would soon be coming.
“Just a few more seconds.” He said, aiming his 80mm autocannon towards one of the light mechs swarming towards him. It was a similar weapon to the pirate Shadow Hawk’s 80mm, but would fire twice as many rounds per burst*. He blew off the Firestarter’s leg, causing it to collapse beside Jerome’s spider. The man kicked the fallen mech’s cockpit, rattling the pirate hard, before jumping off towards the exit again.
Then tragedy struck. Several medium lasers slammed into the back of Darla’s mech just as she made it to him, rupturing her reactor and causing the mech to explode. The ejection system did not go off.
“DARLA!!!” Jerome screamed on the comms, his small mech flying back into the fray before James could try to rein him in. He landed on top of the Jenner, smashing his thirty-ton mech into the top of the pirate who just killed his wife in a daring Death From Above maneuver. The Spider’s leg actuators crumpled, the already damaged mech literally falling apart from his assault, but he had destroyed the most deadly mech currently on the field in exchange. He was quickly overwhelmed with both missile and laser fire, the husband and wife pair dying together in a blaze of glory.
“Fudge.” He cursed to himself, firing his autocannon again, adding a couple of shots of his medium lasers to boot. He backed his mech into the cave mouth, no time to mourn the loss of both the Guards’ remaining light mechs and their pilots. He was still buying more time, waiting for the more deadly mechs to enter the killzone.
The first pirate Cicada entered the cave, then the other. James counted to five, then pressed another button. The button that activated the remote detonation mines they had planted earlier. A massive explosion shook the cave, causing rocks to fall from the ceiling, and the resulting fireball blinded him for a moment. That didn’t stop him from backpedaling into the tunnel, firing one last volley blindly into the swarm of light mechs as if in challenge. Would they dare follow him down this path where they couldn’t surround him and their targeting and communications wouldn’t work?
Saying a silent prayer for his two fallen comrades, he disappeared down the path like a trapdoor spider entering its lair, waiting to see who was foolish enough to follow him.
He wasn’t disappointed.
Susie looked at the devastation in front of her, whistling softly. The two Cicadas were caught in that massive blast, leaving almost nothing of those two mechs remaining, even before they were buried under tons of rock. She and the Shadow Hawk pilot, Daniel Reyes, had been far enough back that they didn’t get caught in the explosion. However, there was now a lot of rubble between her and her remaining mechs that had been engaging the guards.
Undeterred, she activated her jump jets, slowly making her way over the pile of rocks.
“Status report.” She called out across the radio.
“Two enemy mechs down. Remaining for- *Shhhhickt* entering a tunnel to *Shhhhickt* down a Centurion th- *Shhhickt* -ars to be out of ammo.” A voice came across the radio; the comms were clearly affected by significant interference caused by mineral deposits in this area. Not that it was unexpected, it was the main reason they had chosen this location for their depot. The fact that there was a Star League cache here was just an added bonus that they had recently discovered when one of the pirates was bored enough to go and explore that cave.
“Follow him.” She ordered. If they could destroy what remained of the guard here, they could possibly annex Blackstone for the Greater Valkyrate, and she could prove to her parents that she was indeed ready to assume the throne. She was already in her early thirties now, her parents both in their sixties. She knew they wanted to retire soon, and it was one of her greatest wishes to assume their throne peacefully. She had no interest in regicide, but would do it if they tried to cling to power for much longer.
“Susie dear, over by the cache!” Daniel said, her sometimes lover being a bit too familiar on the comms about a minute later. She looked over and cursed. Three medium mechs were coming out of that cave. She opened up with her LRMs, the ten missiles peppering the Griffin that was leading the two lighter Assassins.
“Engage them! Bravo and Charlie Lance! Return to the depot!” She called across the comms.
*Static*
“Damn it!” She cursed, knowing she fucked up. “Daniel, engage from ranged, and start moving back through the rubble. Get me out of this, and I will even let you be on top tonight.”
“Heh. Yes, Ma’am,” He said, focusing his fire on the Griffin.
“You seemed a little too excited about that.” She quipped, engaging her jump jets.
“Not every day you get to top your future Queen. Besides, I know how you like it.”
“Some days I don’t know why I haven’t castrated you and sent you to the mines.”
“You damn well know why.”
The two of them bantered as they exchanged fire with the Guards, trying to make light of the situation they found themselves in. They just needed to get under the cover of the guns of their dropships, and they would be fine.
The pirates chased the backpedaling Centurion through the tunnel, the five smaller mechs continually swapping the lead position as they took laser fire from the larger mech. Its autocannon had only barked once, leading them to believe he was already out of ammo. Thirsty for blood, they continued to snap at its heels, bleeding even more armour off the nearly toothless machine.
It exited the tunnel, following the left path. A Locust was currently leading the chase, its pilot leaning on his throttles more, trying to find a way to get around the Centurion now that it was in the open. If they could cut it off, it would be done for.
Explosions rippled across the ground and his mech’s legs, startling him for a second, but he quickly regained his composure when he saw what was shooting at him. “Contact, Black Jack. It’s heavily damaged. Jumpers move up. The rest of you stay on the Centurion.”
He raked his machine guns over the mech as the rest of the pirates shot out of the cave, peppering the battered mech’s viewport with bullet holes. The ferroglass wouldn’t give that easily, but it probably rattled the pilot a bit at the very least.
“ARRGGGHHH!!!” A scream came across his headset, and suddenly the other Locust went flying past him, off the side of the cliff.
“Surprise, Dumbasses. Here comes the pain.” A deep baritone voice said in an angry voice. Very angry.
The pirate realized that they may have made a mistake.
As soon as James’ mech came out of the tunnel, John began the activation sequence to the Charger, having powered it down to minimize the chance of the pirates detecting it. Its big engine roared to life, and John slammed the throttles forward, launching the assault mech towards the gaggle of light mechs now pincered between him and the Centurion.
Not bothering with the lasers, he slammed his left arm into the back of one of the Locust, the impact adding to its own momentum and sending it off the edge of the cliff.
The two Spiders jumped then, clearing the old man’s mech, but John paid them no mind. He barked a taunt over an open channel, then, twisting his torso the other way, he brought his right hand into the side of the other locust. Metal crumpled, the machine gun on the smaller mech twisting under the impact, its whole chassis careening into the cliff face.
The Flea turned and sprayed John with its whole armament, peppering his mech with lasers and a Flamer. He felt a slight wash of heat from that, but the Charger shrugged it off like it was nothing. Because it really was nothing to an Assault mech.
James took the opening that Flea just gave him, aimed his 80mm cannon at its back, and let fly with his last remaining salvo of HEAP rounds. It tore through the smaller machine’s paper-thin rear armour, ripping into its internals and forcing its reactor into emergency shutdown.
John slammed both his arms down on top of the Locust like some sort of WWE wrestler, crushing the top of the machine and breaking off the other machine gun. He then pinned it with both arms and started to drag the beleaguered mech to the side of the ravine.
“No! No! No! NO!!!” The pirate screamed.
“C’mon now, can’t Locust fly?” He replied, kicking it in the back and launching it after its buddy.
“ARRRRRGGH- *Shhiztick*”
“Guess not,” John said, then turned to the shutdown Flea. Its canopy was open, the pirate tossing her sidearm out the side and raising her hands. “Good call. Stay right there.” He said over the open comms and walked past the now inoperable machine.
“You seem to be having fun,” James said, his voice strained. He was running towards Lucy’s position, firing his lasers at the backs of the speedy mechs.
“Just a bit. This wouldn’t have worked anywhere near as well on an open field.”
“No, it wouldn’t have. These little bastards would have swarmed us, letting the rest of the company pick us apart from range.”
“I hate to be a bother, but I ne- ARGH!” Lucy started to say something, then screamed in pain as an explosion rippled through her mech. One of the Spiders’ lasers had penetrated her center torso, catching what was left of her autocannon ammo. Her mech’s head detached as its engine exploded, sending her flying over the ravine.
“LUCY!” John shouted, now seeing red. He throttled up his mech, chasing after the two light mechs. The pair of them started to jump away, over the top of the pile of rubble left from the exploding Jenner and out of his reach.
There was no response on the radio.
“John, she should be fine. Come, we still have work to do.”
John looked down the ravine, the distance too far for his mech to jump down. It might survive, though, and he could go find her.
“Lucy…”
“John! We already lost Darla and Jerome! We can’t afford to lose you, too!”
“What?” John replied, James bombshell snapping him out of his ridiculous thoughts.
“Reactor explosion and her ejection system didn’t deploy. Jerome jumped on top of the offending mech with his full weight, destroying it but disabling his Spider. These guys blew him up as well.”
“God damnit!” John cursed. He had only met them a few days ago, but he had memories of them reaching back for years now. It hurt to hear that they were dead now.
Maybe I can come back and use resurrection magic on them? DEN Return!
Instead of the usual transition to DEN, a screen popped up in front of him.
[If you use DEN Return, you will automatically fail this Bonus World and will never be able to return. Do you still want to activate this skill?]
“Huh?”
Since when? I thought that was the point of having that skill? God damnit! No, I do not!
The screen disappeared, leaving John with a view of the ravine below. He was confused and angry now, finding Lucy suddenly seemed a lot more urgent than it did a moment ago.
“John, you will not survive that fall. Come, let’s go. The rest of the Guards should be cleaning up the remaining mechs. Let’s give them a hand.”
“Yeah,” John said, backing away from the edge. “By the way, I found something else in there. This might be a good time for me to go get it.”
“Oh? What is it?”
“It’s a surprise. Did I ever tell you before that I used to be a pilot?” John replied, slamming his throttle forward at full speed, heading back to the cave.
“Wait! John, what about the prisoner?”
“Kill them or carry them, I don’t care. I have to go rescue Lucy.”
“Darn it, John! I am still your CO!” James said, unable to keep up with John’s speeding mech. He chuckled, then coughed up some more blood. His body was beginning to fail him, but he could keep going a bit longer. “Damn kids these days. Always so impulsive. Back in my day, we wouldn’t be so rude to our elders. At least not to their faces.”
* – This is just showing the difference between an AC/5 Shadow Hawk and an AC/10 Centurion. A lot of the Autocannons were like that. In particular, several variants of the AC/20 fired 120mm, 155mm, 183mm, and 203mm rounds. The games dumbed it down to four different cannon sizes, while the lore had dozens of different sizes.
Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep
Chapters
- Chapter 216 – ♥♥♥ Turning The Tables On A Crazy Rabbit
- Chapter 215 – Insanity Is The Spice Of Life
- Chapter 214 – Elders And Kids Say The Darndest Things
- Chapter 213 – Breakfast And A Show
- Chapter 212 – The Power Of Hunger
- Chapter 211 – The Hunger Grows And The Doctor Strikes
- Chapter 210 – Deviants And Dragons
- Chapter 209 – Dancing His Way Into Women’s Hearts
- Chapter 208 – Growing Respect
- Chapter 207 – Sibling Rivalry
- Chapter 206 – It’s The Results That Count
- Chapter 205 – ♥♥♥ Tenderized Glazed Rabbit
- Chapter 204 – An Unexpected Dinner And A Show
- Chapter 203 – Forethought, Foresight, And Family
- Chapter 202 – The Hero Behind A Mask
- Chapter 201 – Twilight Tears
- Chapter 200 – A Connoisseur Of The Arts
- Chapter 199 – Rising Infernos
- Chapter 198 – Life As A Side Character
- Chapter 197 – Feelings And Egg-cellence
- Chapter 196 – Spicy Dinner Conversations With A Side Of Self-Reflection
- Chapter 195 – Personal Space Is Overrated
- Chapter 194 – Ruminations Of A Rabbit
- Chapter 193 – Carrots And Confessions
- Chapter 192 – Eye Spy With My Little Eye Something That Begins With T
- Chapter 191 – Offers From A Rambling Grandma
- Chapter 190 – Keep An Eye Open When Probing For Mines
- Chapter 189 – She Is A Little eXtra
- Chapter 188 – Not All Walls Can Be “Dig” Through
- Chapter 187 – The Paladin Without A Plan
- Chapter 186 – The Other Side Of The Mountain
- Chapter 185 – Crazy Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
- Chapter 184 – The Difficulties Of Staying On Topic
- Chapter 183 – Sometimers Strikes Again
- Chapter 182 – The Good And The Bad
- Chapter 181 – A Carrot A Day
- Chapter 180 – One Of A Kind
- Chapter 179 – The Night That Luna Fell
- Chapter 178 – A Time For Tea
- Chapter 177 – Sagely Advice
- Chapter 176 – The Rules Of The Game
- Chapter 175 – Escape From U.S.J.
- Chapter 174 – Twilight’s Herald
- Chapter 173 – A Mountain Of Trouble
- Chapter 172 – ♥♥ Clams, Catfolk, And Catnip
- Chapter 171 – For Science!
- Chapter 170 – The Problems With Pelicans
- Chapter 169 – Gunship Diplomacy
- Chapter 168 – Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth
- Chapter 167 – The Steel Within
- Chapter 166 – ♥♥ Unexpected Consequences
- Chapter 165 – Ignorance Was Bliss
- Chapter 164 – But Wait! There’s More!
- Chapter 163 – Be All That You Don’t Want To Be!
- Chapter 162 – It is Elemental, My Dear John
- Chapter 161 – Dancing With Wolves
- Chapter 160 – Giving Those Naughty Puppies A Whipping
- Chapter 159 – When The Cheap Sunglasses Finally Broke
- Chapter 158 – Honour Is A Heavy Burden To Bear
- Chapter 157 – ♥♥ A Broken Angel In His Arms
- Chapter 156 – Planning, Trauma, And The Mysteries Of A Red Cup
- Chapter 155 – With Eyes Wide Open
- Chapter 154 – ♥ Growing Problems With Communication
- Chapter 153 – One Oath Is As Good As Another, Right?
- Chapter 152 – Predatory Pirate Vs A Wrathful Wizard
- Chapter 151 – The Wizard Of Blackstone
- Chapter 150 – A John A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
- Chapter 149 – Out Of The Frying Pan
- Chapter 148 – A Dangling Thread Of Intrigue
- Chapter 147 – An Anger Fueled By Nuclear Fires
- Chapter 146 – Rock’em, Sock’em, 3049
- Chapter 145 – With Bated Breath
- Chapter 144 – Kinder Surprise Toys Just Ain’t What They Used To Be
- Chapter 143 – ♥♥♥ The Maiden Who Came To The Villain Of DEN
- Chapter 142 – Kids Say The Darndest Things
- Chapter 141 – What Goes Bump In The Middle Of The Afternoon
- Chapter 140 – The Angry Little Landmine That Could
- Chapter 139 – Slow Dance With A Cannon Opener
- Chapter 138 – A HEAP Of Trouble
- Chapter 137 – Snakes Have No Protection From Privacy Breeches
- Chapter 136 – Bargains Over A Cup Of Coffee
- Chapter 135 – Memories Of The Past, Pains Of The Future
- Chapter 134 – More Than One Way To Win A Woman’s Heart
- Chapter 133 – Rougher Side Of The Periphery Life
- Chapter 132 – Troubles And Opportunities
- Chapter 131 – The Unsinkable Suzy Q
- Chapter 130 – Cookin’ With Lasers
- Chapter 129 – The Disposables
- Chapter 128 – Questions? Just Ask Alec! Results May Vary
- Chapter 127 – You Lose Some, You Win Some, Have A Drink And You Will Feel Better
- Chapter 126 – By The Will Of The Light, By The Hand Of John
- Chapter 125 – ♥♥♥ Cloaking His Dagger
- Chapter 124 – A Cup Of Tea
- Chapter 123 – Problems Of People, Politics, And Pelicans
- Chapter 122 – ♥♥ Paradise By The Cockpit Lights
- Chapter 121 – The Duality Of John
- Chapter 120 – ♥ Bittersweet Victories
- Chapter 119 – An Ocean Of Nightmares, An Armful Of Dreams
- Chapter 118 – The Fortunate Son
- Chapter 117 – Eh-ighties Action Star
- Chapter 116 – Wet Towels And Cheap Whiskey
- Chapter 115 – Always Be Discrete In Your Indiscretions
- Chapter 114 – Implied Threats
- Chapter 113 – The Dangers Of Using An Unlicensed Barber
- Chapter 112 – Laughter, Isn’t Always The Best Medicine
- Chapter 111 – To Be A Leader
- Chapter 110 – Prince John, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Florida Man
- Chapter 109 – ♥ The Sweet Nothings Of A Strawberry
- Chapter 108 – Blame It On The Wine
- Chapter 107 – The Rage Within
- Chapter 106 – A Harsh Reminder
- Chapter 105 – Walk Softly And Carry A Big Hammer
- Chapter 104 – A, B, C, D, Why Is Alec Messing With Me?
- Chapter 103 – One Hand Giveth, The Other Taketh Away
- Chapter 102 – ♥♥ A Taste Of The Divine
- Chapter 101 – Dancing Amongst The Stars
- Chapter 100 – The Angler VS The Archerfish
- Chapter 99 – Driven Into Darkness
- Chapter 98 – Twin Calamities
- Chapter 97 – John Wayne, The Best Supporting Actor
- Chapter 96 – Delaying The Inevitable
- Chapter 95 – The Black Knight
- Chapter 94 – Tears Of Despair
- Chapter 93 – Nowhere To Go But Up
- Chapter 92 – Lurking Problems
- Chapter 91 – Unraveling World
- Chapter 90 – ♥♥♥ Three’s Company
- Chapter 89 – Arrivals And Departures
- Chapter 88 – Acting On Trust
- Chapter 87 – Meeting Of The Minds
- Chapter 86 – The Burden Of Truth
- Chapter 85 – The Price Of A Friend
- Chapter 84 – An Inconvenient Truth
- Chapter 83 – ♥♥ Naughty Elves Don’t Get To Make Demands
- Chapter 82 – Testing Boundaries
- Chapter 81 – A Test Of Bonds
- Chapter 80 – What About Breakfast At Niki’s
- Chapter 79 – A Master’s Responsibility?
- Chapter 78 – Bread And Circuses
- Chapter 77 – Infinite Frontiers – The Phantom Pain
- Chapter 76 – F-R-I-E-N-D-S
- Chapter 75 – ♥♥ Ruining A Princess
- Chapter 74 – Sibling Sideshow
- Chapter 73 – Burgers, Beings, Bombers, And Broken Noses
- Chapter 72 – Are Elves Bullies Too?
- Chapter 71 – The Six Billion GSC Man
- Chapter 70 – The Black Leather White Knight
- Chapter 69 – Debts
- Chapter 68 – Temptations
- Chapter 67 – A Brief History Of Infinite Frontiers
- Chapter 66 – Lost And Found
- Chapter 65 – Elves Are Cuter When They Are Bullied
- Chapter 64 – No Replacement For Displacement
- Chapter 63 – You Know What They Say About Assumptions?
- Chapter 62 – When In Doubt, Blame The Intern
- Chapter 61 – A 12-Gauge Send Off
- Chapter 60 – ♥♥♥ Playful Punishments With Fantasy Physics
- Chapter 59 – She Is A Good Girl, One Way Or Another
- Chapter 58 – Mother Knows Best
- Chapter 57 – She Is A Real Passenger Princess
- Chapter 56 – Yes, Embrace Your Anger
- Chapter 55 – Daddy Issues? Better Call John
- Chapter 54 – A Wild Pink-Haired Menace Has Appeared
- Chapter 53 – The Wonderful Wizard Of HOTD
- Chapter 52 – A Midnight Dance
- Chapter 51 – ♥♥♥ The Queen Of Awkward Timing
- Chapter 50 – ♥ The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
- Chapter 49 – Call Of The Canon
- Chapter 48 – Saved By The GRRRRAAAHHH!!!
- Chapter 47 – How The Turn Tables
- Chapter 46 – The Reality Of Dreams
- Chapter 45 – She Knows My Name
- Chapter 44 – Talk To Me Goose
- Chapter 43 – The Man Who Chose The Bear(folk)
- Chapter 42 – Mostly Harmless
- Chapter 41 – A Relaxing Ride
- Chapter 40 – Duck, Duck, Goose, Owl?
- Chapter 39 – Stirring The Pot
- Chapter 38 – Ones True Nature
- Chapter 37 – What Smells Worse Than Wet Dog?
- Chapter 36 – ♥♥♥ Bunnies Are Still The Best
- Chapter 35 – Five Gals Chatting, Four Contracts Binding, Three Faces Blushing, Two Damsels Dodging, And An Annoyed Paladin In A Pear Tree
- Chapter 34 – Nicknames And Pillow Friends
- Chapter 33 – Medieval Casting Couch
- Chapter 32 – Well, That’s No Ordinary Rabbit!
- Chapter 31 – Revelations
- Chapter 30 – The Start Of A Legend
- Chapter 29 – ♥ Love, War, And Terrible Back Pains
- Chapter 28 – Pains Of The Past, Present, And Future
- Chapter 27 – Promises And Pitfalls
- Chapter 26 – Cruel And Unusual Co-workers
- Chapter 25 – ♥♥ One-Sided Family Planning
- Chapter 24 – The Principle VS The Fallen
- Chapter 23 – The Devil’s Due
- Chapter 22 – The Principal Strikes Back!
- Chapter 21 – Power Of Destruction And Power Naps
- Chapter 20 – Student Council VS Principle Wayne
- Chapter 19 – That Pent Up Aggression Needs An Outlet
- Chapter 18 – Space Aged Tractor Simulator 2000 W/Cat Herding DLC
- Chapter 17 – Not The Cologne I Was Looking For
- Chapter 16 – It’s A Trap!
- Chapter 15 – The Clothes Make The Man
- Chapter 14 – You Can Never Avoid The Bureaucracy
- Chapter 13 – Set For Ludicrous Speed
- Chapter 12 – Consequences Of Drinking The Nectar Of The Gods
- Chapter 11 – Cuddles and Conundrums
- Chapter 10 – ♥♥♥ Bunnies Are Just The Best
- Chapter 9 – The Dangers Of Health Drinks
- Chapter 8 – Deals, Contracts, And Unwise Spending Habits
- Chapter 7 – Day Drinking, The Proper Way To Train Magic
- Chapter 6 – Why Are There Freaking Dinosaurs!
- Chapter 5 – This Show Needs An Epilepsy Warning
- Chapter 4 – No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
- Chapter 3 – Karma vs Canon
- Chapter 2 – Noise Violation Consequences
- Chapter 1 – High School of the Nope
- Prologue – Truck-Kun’s Collateral Damage