Chapter 113 – The Dangers Of Using An Unlicensed Barber
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“…and that is the whole of it, Milord.” A voice said. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t be sure.
“Damn Orcs trying to summon their demons again. Didn’t they learn their lesson last time? Anyway, Captain, you did well to get him back here, but he will need more than I am capable of to restore him. Get a wagon ready for him. We will take him to town until we can arrange proper transport to the capital.” Another voice said, this one deeper and sounded worried. Memories that he couldn’t quite reach, memories that told him the voice belonged to someone he knew.
“Yes, Milord. It will be done.” The first voice replied.
“Ugghh,” Someone groaned. Maybe it was him…he wasn’t sure, but it seemed possible.
“Easy, Lad. You lost a lot of blood. Rest for now.” The second voice said, now sounding kindly. Taking a nap sounded like a good idea. He took the voice’s advice and drifted off to sleep.
Nightmares invaded his dreams.
Of a blighted landscape, devoid of life. The remnants of trees littered the landscape, the once mighty forest little more than an assortment of sticks in the ground. A few skeletons of both humanoids and beasts were sticking up out of the dirt, the bones themselves beginning to turn to dust.
His view shifted.
Now he stood before a mountain that had been split in two, looking as if it had offended some wrathful god, the split creating a narrow valley between the two halves. A gigantic archway lay at the valley’s centre, with hordes of beasts straight out of a nightmare standing before it as if waiting for something to happen.
He shifted again
A fiery demon with massive dragon-like wings was before him, its towering form leaning over an altar, working its dark magics on something he could not see. It paused what it was doing, as if sensing something amiss, and turned its head towards him. Its eyes appeared as if formed from molten steel, glowing with unrestrained power, foul magic shimmering off of them like steam.
Eyes that were staring right at him.
“What is this that has invaded my domain?” It said in a powerful voice that reverberated through his soul and shook him to his very core. “Ahh, a human who had a taste of the Fel. Surprising that you made it all the way to me with so little. Now come, and I will make use of you in the coming invasion of your world.” It said, reaching towards him
He shifted.
He was standing before a massive pedestal near the edge of an icy cliff. Stairs led to the top of the pedestal where a giant mound of ice rested, encapsulating a huge armoured figure holding a large greatsword. Dark energies seemed to flow from the armoured figure, seeping into the surrounding lands.
Suddenly, the eye slit in the figure’s helmet lit up, two cold blue eyes full of anger and malice staring right at him.
Shift.
John opened his eyes to yet another unfamil- wait, that was wrong. He did recognize this place.
He was lying in Sylvia’s bed, wrapped up in layers of blankets, his head propped up on a pillow. On his right side, near the wall, was an armour stand with his paladin armour hanging on it, his rifle and the great hammer he had left behind was propped up on the wall beside it. To his left side was a table, with his leathers folded neatly on it. Beside them were the items he had tucked away inside his leather clothing: his belt buckle, the pelican and mansion miniatures, a container of Substance X balls, the fire orb, a spell scroll of spider climb, and the note from Xiaolin. (If I forgot something else he was carrying on his person, let me know below)
He couldn’t see his sword, and his bow was missing as well. That should have been concerning, but he couldn’t muster the energy to care. He was already starting to get sleepy again, so he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off.
John continued to drift in and out of sleep. He had no idea how much time had passed; his few periods of lucidity would last only a few moments before he would drift off again. Thankfully, the nightmares didn’t return, letting him rest in a peaceful, dreamless sleep. Sometimes when he woke up, he would catch a snippet of a conversation, but most of the time he was alone.
“…No, Lord Uther, there is nothing more we can do for the prince. In Quel’Thalas, they may have access to a relic capable of…” An unknown man.
“…Oh, John, you poor man. Sleep as long as you need to, my prince. I’ll take care of you as long as needed.” A familiar woman’s voice.
“Is he still out, Milady? He has visitors coming from Kirin’Tor scheduled to arrive soon…” The voice of a companion he fought beside.
“John! JOHN! Oh no… what happened to you? Wake up, please! I…need you, John, I lov-” A voice he didn’t know but knew intimately at the same time.
He continued to drift in and out of consciousness, unable to lift his head from the pillow again, no matter how hard he tried.
The sound of a rooster crowing finally aroused John from his slumber. His head felt weird, and his throat was parched, but his mind was coming out of the fog it had been in. He blinked a few times, the dim light of predawn barely providing enough light to see by, then attempted to sit up. His body tried to resist the movement, his muscles and joints all creaking in protest, but he stubbornly kept at it until he was sitting upright in the bed.
He was still in Sylvia’s room, and his stuff seemed to be all accounted for now, his sword and bow over by his armour. He had vague recollections of them not being here in one of his lucid moments, but he couldn’t be sure. Something different from his memories was a daybed near the window where the seating area used to be; the woman herself was sleeping on it, wrapped up in a blanket. There were dark bags under her eyes, looking like she hadn’t been sleeping well for quite some time.
Is she exhausted just because of me, or did something else happen? Actually, I wonder how long I was out for?
John tossed the blanket off, discovering he was mostly naked, except for a large bundle of cloth wrapped around his waist. He had a pretty good idea what those were for (Depends), and if Sylvia herself had been cleaning…that… up for him, he would have to make it up to her somehow.
He shifted his body over to the edge of the bed, then got his feet underneath him. Holding onto the bedpost for balance, he gingerly increased the weight his legs were supporting until he was standing upright. Something seemed off to him, but he wasn’t having vertigo from the movement, so he let go of the post and slowly shuffled over to the bathroom.
After using the chamber pot and cleaning his lower body with cold water and the lye soap Sylvia had on hand, he picked up the hand mirror that was beside the wash basin. He nearly dropped it when he got a look at his face, rather what was left of his face.
What in the hell happened?
It almost looked as if a razor had shorn off the right side of his face, then wrapped the damaged areas in pale, discoloured skin. His right ear and most of the hair on that side of his head were cut clean off, leaving just a hairless opening where the ear used to be. The worst part… the worst part was that his right eye was missing.
This is why things look weird!
“Middle Heal!” He chanted, once, twice and even thrice. The only noticeable change was that his skin tone had almost returned to normal, and maybe some of the muscles along the side of his cheek filled out.
“Well… shit.” He said to himself while he inspected the damage once again. That was also when he noticed something else. His once steel-blue eye now had multiple bright green lines extending from his pupil to the edge of his iris. “What in the hell happened to me?”
He could remember them assaulting the orc ritual grounds and the orc that became two… then one of them charged at the dwarves and him… then nothing. He recalled several nightmares that seemed real, then he awoke a few times to the sounds of people speaking… but he didn’t have any clue what happened between the charging orc and waking up here.
He set the mirror down, then made his way back to the bedroom to get dressed. He wasn’t quite ready to pull the plug on this world, he wanted to at least piece together what the hell had happened to him before making any decision. He felt strangely calm about this whole situation; maybe it really hadn’t clicked in yet, and he was still in shock, but he didn’t think that was it.
Probably because when I leave, I will be back to normal again, this isn’t necessarily a permanent disability. Not unless I choose to stay here anyway.
He wasn’t sure about what to do about his lost depth perception and field of view; shooting wouldn’t be an issue, but he wasn’t so sure about swordplay.
*Gurgle*
Right, I guess I should stop my pity party for now… at least I can still stand and move around without any issues, and I seem to be able to hear just fine out of that ear. It’s better than being hunched over and barely able to move. I’m just going to need to find an eye patch… wait, am I going from post-apocalyptic raider to becoming a pirate? I just need a parrot and a ship…does my Pelican count for both?
He chuckled quietly at that thought while he got dressed, not wanting to wake Sylvia up quite yet. He was still deciding whether to wake her up now or let her rest longer before letting her know he was awake.
The choice was taken from him as he finished pocketing his items and had popped a Substance X ball into his mouth, when he heard her stirring behind him. He moved over to the side of the daybed and gave her shoulder a light shake. She groaned, then opened her eyes, which continued to widen as the sleepiness left her mind in a rush at the sight of him beside her.
“John?…JOHN! You’re awake!” She said, sounding surprised and relieved, her patient was not only awake, but up and dressed.
“Good morning, Sylvia. I’m back.” He said, then kissed the top of her head. “Thank you for looking after me.”
“That was no issue, I am just glad you woke up.” She repied, reaching up and touching the injured side of his face, a small tear forming in her eye. “John,” She started but was interrupted by his stomach.
*GURGLE*
“Heh, I hate to impose on you further, but mind if we find some food? As much as I want to know what happened and how I got here, I think I need something in my belly first. If I don’t, my stomach might find a way to eat my spine out of spite.” He said with a chuckle, offering her a hand up.
“John… of course. I’ll send one of the servants to find Eh as well. He will be able to explain everything better.” She replied, taking John’s hand and giving him a peck on the lips. “I am happy you survived. Now, let’s get you something to eat. I think we have some leftover ham and potato soup if that’s okay?”
He frowned for a moment, but shrugged it off. The thought of ham sent a slight shiver of disgust through him, but he had no idea why. He loved ham. “That sounds lovely, thank you.” He replied, offering her his arm. She took it, and the pair of them moved down to the kitchen, smiling happily as they walked together.
Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep
Chapters
- Chapter 216 – ♥♥♥ Turning The Tables On A Crazy Rabbit
- Chapter 215 – Insanity Is The Spice Of Life
- Chapter 214 – Elders And Kids Say The Darndest Things
- Chapter 213 – Breakfast And A Show
- Chapter 212 – The Power Of Hunger
- Chapter 211 – The Hunger Grows And The Doctor Strikes
- Chapter 210 – Deviants And Dragons
- Chapter 209 – Dancing His Way Into Women’s Hearts
- Chapter 208 – Growing Respect
- Chapter 207 – Sibling Rivalry
- Chapter 206 – It’s The Results That Count
- Chapter 205 – ♥♥♥ Tenderized Glazed Rabbit
- Chapter 204 – An Unexpected Dinner And A Show
- Chapter 203 – Forethought, Foresight, And Family
- Chapter 202 – The Hero Behind A Mask
- Chapter 201 – Twilight Tears
- Chapter 200 – A Connoisseur Of The Arts
- Chapter 199 – Rising Infernos
- Chapter 198 – Life As A Side Character
- Chapter 197 – Feelings And Egg-cellence
- Chapter 196 – Spicy Dinner Conversations With A Side Of Self-Reflection
- Chapter 195 – Personal Space Is Overrated
- Chapter 194 – Ruminations Of A Rabbit
- Chapter 193 – Carrots And Confessions
- Chapter 192 – Eye Spy With My Little Eye Something That Begins With T
- Chapter 191 – Offers From A Rambling Grandma
- Chapter 190 – Keep An Eye Open When Probing For Mines
- Chapter 189 – She Is A Little eXtra
- Chapter 188 – Not All Walls Can Be “Dig” Through
- Chapter 187 – The Paladin Without A Plan
- Chapter 186 – The Other Side Of The Mountain
- Chapter 185 – Crazy Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
- Chapter 184 – The Difficulties Of Staying On Topic
- Chapter 183 – Sometimers Strikes Again
- Chapter 182 – The Good And The Bad
- Chapter 181 – A Carrot A Day
- Chapter 180 – One Of A Kind
- Chapter 179 – The Night That Luna Fell
- Chapter 178 – A Time For Tea
- Chapter 177 – Sagely Advice
- Chapter 176 – The Rules Of The Game
- Chapter 175 – Escape From U.S.J.
- Chapter 174 – Twilight’s Herald
- Chapter 173 – A Mountain Of Trouble
- Chapter 172 – ♥♥ Clams, Catfolk, And Catnip
- Chapter 171 – For Science!
- Chapter 170 – The Problems With Pelicans
- Chapter 169 – Gunship Diplomacy
- Chapter 168 – Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth
- Chapter 167 – The Steel Within
- Chapter 166 – ♥♥ Unexpected Consequences
- Chapter 165 – Ignorance Was Bliss
- Chapter 164 – But Wait! There’s More!
- Chapter 163 – Be All That You Don’t Want To Be!
- Chapter 162 – It is Elemental, My Dear John
- Chapter 161 – Dancing With Wolves
- Chapter 160 – Giving Those Naughty Puppies A Whipping
- Chapter 159 – When The Cheap Sunglasses Finally Broke
- Chapter 158 – Honour Is A Heavy Burden To Bear
- Chapter 157 – ♥♥ A Broken Angel In His Arms
- Chapter 156 – Planning, Trauma, And The Mysteries Of A Red Cup
- Chapter 155 – With Eyes Wide Open
- Chapter 154 – ♥ Growing Problems With Communication
- Chapter 153 – One Oath Is As Good As Another, Right?
- Chapter 152 – Predatory Pirate Vs A Wrathful Wizard
- Chapter 151 – The Wizard Of Blackstone
- Chapter 150 – A John A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
- Chapter 149 – Out Of The Frying Pan
- Chapter 148 – A Dangling Thread Of Intrigue
- Chapter 147 – An Anger Fueled By Nuclear Fires
- Chapter 146 – Rock’em, Sock’em, 3049
- Chapter 145 – With Bated Breath
- Chapter 144 – Kinder Surprise Toys Just Ain’t What They Used To Be
- Chapter 143 – ♥♥♥ The Maiden Who Came To The Villain Of DEN
- Chapter 142 – Kids Say The Darndest Things
- Chapter 141 – What Goes Bump In The Middle Of The Afternoon
- Chapter 140 – The Angry Little Landmine That Could
- Chapter 139 – Slow Dance With A Cannon Opener
- Chapter 138 – A HEAP Of Trouble
- Chapter 137 – Snakes Have No Protection From Privacy Breeches
- Chapter 136 – Bargains Over A Cup Of Coffee
- Chapter 135 – Memories Of The Past, Pains Of The Future
- Chapter 134 – More Than One Way To Win A Woman’s Heart
- Chapter 133 – Rougher Side Of The Periphery Life
- Chapter 132 – Troubles And Opportunities
- Chapter 131 – The Unsinkable Suzy Q
- Chapter 130 – Cookin’ With Lasers
- Chapter 129 – The Disposables
- Chapter 128 – Questions? Just Ask Alec! Results May Vary
- Chapter 127 – You Lose Some, You Win Some, Have A Drink And You Will Feel Better
- Chapter 126 – By The Will Of The Light, By The Hand Of John
- Chapter 125 – ♥♥♥ Cloaking His Dagger
- Chapter 124 – A Cup Of Tea
- Chapter 123 – Problems Of People, Politics, And Pelicans
- Chapter 122 – ♥♥ Paradise By The Cockpit Lights
- Chapter 121 – The Duality Of John
- Chapter 120 – ♥ Bittersweet Victories
- Chapter 119 – An Ocean Of Nightmares, An Armful Of Dreams
- Chapter 118 – The Fortunate Son
- Chapter 117 – Eh-ighties Action Star
- Chapter 116 – Wet Towels And Cheap Whiskey
- Chapter 115 – Always Be Discrete In Your Indiscretions
- Chapter 114 – Implied Threats
- Chapter 113 – The Dangers Of Using An Unlicensed Barber
- Chapter 112 – Laughter, Isn’t Always The Best Medicine
- Chapter 111 – To Be A Leader
- Chapter 110 – Prince John, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Florida Man
- Chapter 109 – ♥ The Sweet Nothings Of A Strawberry
- Chapter 108 – Blame It On The Wine
- Chapter 107 – The Rage Within
- Chapter 106 – A Harsh Reminder
- Chapter 105 – Walk Softly And Carry A Big Hammer
- Chapter 104 – A, B, C, D, Why Is Alec Messing With Me?
- Chapter 103 – One Hand Giveth, The Other Taketh Away
- Chapter 102 – ♥♥ A Taste Of The Divine
- Chapter 101 – Dancing Amongst The Stars
- Chapter 100 – The Angler VS The Archerfish
- Chapter 99 – Driven Into Darkness
- Chapter 98 – Twin Calamities
- Chapter 97 – John Wayne, The Best Supporting Actor
- Chapter 96 – Delaying The Inevitable
- Chapter 95 – The Black Knight
- Chapter 94 – Tears Of Despair
- Chapter 93 – Nowhere To Go But Up
- Chapter 92 – Lurking Problems
- Chapter 91 – Unraveling World
- Chapter 90 – ♥♥♥ Three’s Company
- Chapter 89 – Arrivals And Departures
- Chapter 88 – Acting On Trust
- Chapter 87 – Meeting Of The Minds
- Chapter 86 – The Burden Of Truth
- Chapter 85 – The Price Of A Friend
- Chapter 84 – An Inconvenient Truth
- Chapter 83 – ♥♥ Naughty Elves Don’t Get To Make Demands
- Chapter 82 – Testing Boundaries
- Chapter 81 – A Test Of Bonds
- Chapter 80 – What About Breakfast At Niki’s
- Chapter 79 – A Master’s Responsibility?
- Chapter 78 – Bread And Circuses
- Chapter 77 – Infinite Frontiers – The Phantom Pain
- Chapter 76 – F-R-I-E-N-D-S
- Chapter 75 – ♥♥ Ruining A Princess
- Chapter 74 – Sibling Sideshow
- Chapter 73 – Burgers, Beings, Bombers, And Broken Noses
- Chapter 72 – Are Elves Bullies Too?
- Chapter 71 – The Six Billion GSC Man
- Chapter 70 – The Black Leather White Knight
- Chapter 69 – Debts
- Chapter 68 – Temptations
- Chapter 67 – A Brief History Of Infinite Frontiers
- Chapter 66 – Lost And Found
- Chapter 65 – Elves Are Cuter When They Are Bullied
- Chapter 64 – No Replacement For Displacement
- Chapter 63 – You Know What They Say About Assumptions?
- Chapter 62 – When In Doubt, Blame The Intern
- Chapter 61 – A 12-Gauge Send Off
- Chapter 60 – ♥♥♥ Playful Punishments With Fantasy Physics
- Chapter 59 – She Is A Good Girl, One Way Or Another
- Chapter 58 – Mother Knows Best
- Chapter 57 – She Is A Real Passenger Princess
- Chapter 56 – Yes, Embrace Your Anger
- Chapter 55 – Daddy Issues? Better Call John
- Chapter 54 – A Wild Pink-Haired Menace Has Appeared
- Chapter 53 – The Wonderful Wizard Of HOTD
- Chapter 52 – A Midnight Dance
- Chapter 51 – ♥♥♥ The Queen Of Awkward Timing
- Chapter 50 – ♥ The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
- Chapter 49 – Call Of The Canon
- Chapter 48 – Saved By The GRRRRAAAHHH!!!
- Chapter 47 – How The Turn Tables
- Chapter 46 – The Reality Of Dreams
- Chapter 45 – She Knows My Name
- Chapter 44 – Talk To Me Goose
- Chapter 43 – The Man Who Chose The Bear(folk)
- Chapter 42 – Mostly Harmless
- Chapter 41 – A Relaxing Ride
- Chapter 40 – Duck, Duck, Goose, Owl?
- Chapter 39 – Stirring The Pot
- Chapter 38 – Ones True Nature
- Chapter 37 – What Smells Worse Than Wet Dog?
- Chapter 36 – ♥♥♥ Bunnies Are Still The Best
- Chapter 35 – Five Gals Chatting, Four Contracts Binding, Three Faces Blushing, Two Damsels Dodging, And An Annoyed Paladin In A Pear Tree
- Chapter 34 – Nicknames And Pillow Friends
- Chapter 33 – Medieval Casting Couch
- Chapter 32 – Well, That’s No Ordinary Rabbit!
- Chapter 31 – Revelations
- Chapter 30 – The Start Of A Legend
- Chapter 29 – ♥ Love, War, And Terrible Back Pains
- Chapter 28 – Pains Of The Past, Present, And Future
- Chapter 27 – Promises And Pitfalls
- Chapter 26 – Cruel And Unusual Co-workers
- Chapter 25 – ♥♥ One-Sided Family Planning
- Chapter 24 – The Principle VS The Fallen
- Chapter 23 – The Devil’s Due
- Chapter 22 – The Principal Strikes Back!
- Chapter 21 – Power Of Destruction And Power Naps
- Chapter 20 – Student Council VS Principle Wayne
- Chapter 19 – That Pent Up Aggression Needs An Outlet
- Chapter 18 – Space Aged Tractor Simulator 2000 W/Cat Herding DLC
- Chapter 17 – Not The Cologne I Was Looking For
- Chapter 16 – It’s A Trap!
- Chapter 15 – The Clothes Make The Man
- Chapter 14 – You Can Never Avoid The Bureaucracy
- Chapter 13 – Set For Ludicrous Speed
- Chapter 12 – Consequences Of Drinking The Nectar Of The Gods
- Chapter 11 – Cuddles and Conundrums
- Chapter 10 – ♥♥♥ Bunnies Are Just The Best
- Chapter 9 – The Dangers Of Health Drinks
- Chapter 8 – Deals, Contracts, And Unwise Spending Habits
- Chapter 7 – Day Drinking, The Proper Way To Train Magic
- Chapter 6 – Why Are There Freaking Dinosaurs!
- Chapter 5 – This Show Needs An Epilepsy Warning
- Chapter 4 – No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
- Chapter 3 – Karma vs Canon
- Chapter 2 – Noise Violation Consequences
- Chapter 1 – High School of the Nope
- Prologue – Truck-Kun’s Collateral Damage